The Rio, part 2

Cast of Characters

Me, HED, also director of our event team at work
The intern
Co-worker H- we'll just call her cw H for short
Cw H's younger sister
Kate- former coworker, bff, margarita superstar (6 for her too)
JW, the pantless wonder- Kate's roomy, bff, and a champ for putting up with our work talk forever
Root Beer, or RB,- an otherwise engaged co-worker that I had drunkly made out with at McFadden's after one to many at the Rio a few weeks back (shocker). He's swell.
The intern's mom-not a major player, but involved nonetheless.
Not to mention a large number of others, friends and co-workers who helped contribute to the overall madness of the evening, but were not part of "the story"

And Scene.....

Me: "hey girls, Friday is the intern's last day. What do you say we make Thursday night a Rio night?"

Cw H: "Hey great, my sister will be in town, I know she'll love the Rio."

Chorus: "yeah", "sounds great" "we're there", "awesome", "great idea HED, you are the best boss ever!"

The email invite from the work email address goes out. Thursday night arrives.

The great thing about the Rio in summer is the outdoor patio. For New Yorkers with little access to outdoor space, nothing is greater than getting wasted on "crack"aritas outside.

Group 1 arrives, it's the core work girls who busted out early, flew in from only God knows where in order to make this night. We did it, we got away from Jabba the Hut (aka the big boss) for one night only!

Group 2 arrives, the old friends and co workers, friends of friends and Cw H's sis.

The drinking commences with the usual warning, "Hey guys, be careful, these margs are really strong!"

Me: "Oh Shit. Who invited Root Beer?"

Flash ahead approximately 3 hours. The margs have been flowing and we are all, no shit, wasted beyond control. I, being the responsible boss that I was, notice that the intern isn't looking so hot. I drunkenly wobble over to see if I can ascertain how many margs she's consumed because I totally wasn't paying attention.

Intern: slurring profusely, "HED, I live in Long Island, I have to take the train home."

Me: "No no intern, you are way to drunk for that, you can stay over at one of the girls house, it's fine."

Intern: "I need to call my mother then."

Me: "Um, no that's not a good idea, give me your phone, I'll do it."

Me: "Hello, Mrs. Intern? This is HED, the intern's boss...yes well it's nice to speak to you too. Oh we love your daughter, she's great. Oh that's so sweet, thank you so much. Anyway, I'm just calling to let you know that the intern is going to go ahead and stay in the city with us tonight so she won't be home. Oh yeah, she's fine, I just wanted to call and make sure you knew not to worry. Ok great, here's my number if you need it, ok perfect, thanks ok you too. Bye!"

Whew, holy crap, do not call a Mom that you do not know to tell them that their wasted daughter is not coming home.

I come back up the walkway back to the patio to find that the party is starting to fizzle out. Some people are still drinking, but everyone is so wasted it's pretty much time to go. People are leaving for hookups, to go home and puke, all sorts of things. WHOOPS. There goes the intern, SOMEBODY CATCH HER!

The next thing I know, I'm in a cab with the intern AND ROOT BEER. How the hell did that happen?? I live in Brooklyn, we can't go to my house. I know! Kate! She lives in Hell's Kitchen and what's more, I have keys to her apartment. She won't mind. Right? Right?

Here's where it gets even more ridiculous. I call Kate to let her know I'm bringing the intern. Neglect to mention Root Beer of course on the off chance she decides not to let my dumb ass in.

We pull up to Kate's building. She lives on the Second Floor. European Second Floor. Third Floor. The intern is at this point completely unconscious and totally dead weight. I look at Root Beer and he goes, "It's ok, I'll help you carry her up there." Um great, sweet, just what I always wanted.

So we CARRY HER. Up three flights of stairs, he gets her head, I get her feet. I think we dropped her at least 4 times. Her shirt definitely was coming up over her head. How we made it upstairs I'll never know. Finally, I push open the door and we put her in the bathroom. Kate is already realizing this was a bad idea. And JW, the pantless wonder, is... without pants. Sorry that RB is the third male coworker of ours to see you without pants. She is not pleased.

Kate and JW go to bed. This is all in my hands now. The intern refuses to throw up so we lay her on the futon. Still tot blacked out. She lays down, rolls over and projectile vomits. Awesome. I manage to clean it up relatively well or as good as it's going to get in the middle of the night. The next thing I know, I'm sitting on the floor with Root Beer and he wants to talk. He is not ready to go home yet. I really don't remember much about what we talked about. I do remember that I made fun of him for wearing a yellow LIVESTRONG bracelet and for being a tool. Then he told me his grandfather had cancer. Yikes. I am a bitch.

[SIDENOTE: While I am doing my best not to be an adulterous ho, CW H has taken her sister to the hospital because she is a diabetic. and what is the best thing for diabetics who don't like to take their medicine? Several sickeningly sweet margaritas loaded with sugar and some mysterious alcohol that you can' t taste. Again, awesome. She had to get her stomach pumped. Gooo Rio night!]

So back to Kate's apartment. I finally get RB to leave. I didn't make out with him, but he may have given me a back massage. Whatever! That's not cheating, it's a free back massage. You would do it too. Whew, RB is gone. I crawl into Kate's bed because it's a dual chamber and it's like you're in two different beds. Plus the intern was on the futon. I pass out.

Several hours later, Kate's door bangs open to reveal The Intern, still drunk, but now wild eyed and psycho looking.

Intern: "Taylor??? (another ex coworker who was there, why she's asking for her, I'll never know) Taylor, am I at the Rio??"

Me: "No Intern, it's ok, you are at Kate's house, it's me HED. Just calm down and go back to sleep."

BOOM. She drops to the floor in Kate's room and is out like a light again. Apparently the floor is better than the futon.

Back to sleep. 5:30am, I need to pee and I need some water. Stat. I crawl out of bed and step over The Intern, open the bedroom door and walk into the kitchen.

WTF? The stove, normally flush against the wall is moved so far into the middle of the floor that I run straight into it in the dark. Hmm. I push it out of the way, go pee and get back in bed.

7am or there abouts, Kate and I get up and go into the kitchen. Now that it's light, we realize the stove was just the tip of the iceberg. The refrigerator was in a completely different spot, the pantry/cabinet was now at a 45 degree angle from the wall. Brooms, mops and other such items are scattered about the floor. The fridge is hard to move, it is not light. The stove when I found it was straining at the plug, not to mention the pipe for the gas was totally stretched out. WHO GETS DRUNK AND REARRANGES THE KITCHEN IN A DRUNKEN PANIC?

I'll tell you who...THE INTERN.

The aftermath
Somehow I made it to work on time, CW H didn't sleep at all and went home from the hospital to shower before coming in, and the intern had to leave they office by 10:30 because she was so sick. One coworker claimed she was sick because of the bad sushi she had (yeah right, more like the 15 margaritas and the fact that she went to some guys house) The boss called down the line of desks of which I was at the end and the only one to pick up. Boy did I get an earful...she was great like that.

Oh and the topper? Root Beer offered to go back to Kate's with me after work to help clean up the vomit. Such a stand up guy.